Boys, Meet Your Mom

By May 12, 2017 No Comments
mom 2

Hey boys,

You know Mother’s Day is this Sunday, right? Ok, good. Glad they said something about it at school. Anyways, let me tell you a story about your mom…

“Stop fighting. No, I don’t care if your brother is playing with that.”

“Layton, don’t call him a poopy head..”

“Brenner, quit being a tattletale..”

“Stop hitting each other..”

“Who wants vinegar?!”

Okay, now that we got that settled..On with the story..

So there I was, sitting on the front steps of our fraternity chapter room (well, because that’s what was cool. I guess.) It’s a Monday night, and we just got back from our chapter meeting. Even though this night was over fifteen years ago, I remember it was like yesterday.

mom 6

I had met your mother a couple of times before but this night would change history. The universe was at work on this night and it’s where both of your stories begin.

Your mother’s sorority had a winery date dash (back in those days it was a cool thing. Basically, it’s surprise and you have to find a date quickly before the party begins) on this November night. Somehow your mom didn’t have a date yet, and lucky for me a high school friend of mine was in the same sorority as your mom.

As fate would have it your mom wound up asking me to go with her. I went and the rest is history. I’ll tell you more about that night once you’re older…no wait, no I won’t, we’re your parents and that’s just weird, man.

Fast forward to a random night a few weeks later at my fraternity house. Let me welcome you to the second floor of the Lambda Chi Alpha house. I’ll take you both there sometime, but I’m pretty sure it’s condemned by now. Looking back, I’m not quite sure how it ever passed code. LOL.

mom 7

Yeah, I know the loft thing is pretty sweet, right?

“Layton, get down from there! I’m pretty sure that ladder’s not even connected.”

Boys, sit down. Look, you see that pretty blonde over there with the big, pretty blue eyes?

“Yep, you’re right Brenner. She is a beach babe!”

Well, that beach babe is going to be your mom. Look at her eyes. From her eyes will come the spark which will initiate your life. Pretty cool, huh?

Listen to her laugh, sounds the same right? Look at how beautiful she is. Just as she is now, she was the life of the party then as well. Can you tell why I fell in love with her? Your mom is the fun, care-free girl who loves alternative music. You wouldn’t know by looking at her but she drives a stick and loves alternative music.

In fact, later this year we’ll go up to Kansas City to see an Incubus concert and I’ll wait an hour at the bus for her to get back after trying to meet the band…

Your mom is the girl who would come over as I watched tv on the couch and pull my boxers out and above my jeans just to laugh at how dorky it would make me look.

mom 8

She’s the cute blonde who knows nothing about football but will come over watch with me and the guys. Your mom is the pretty girl who will get up with me before the sun is up to go tailgating at the Rams game. (Eventually, she’ll learn and know more about the game than most guys, and will embarrass them because of it).

Your mom’s the girl who draws funny pictures of herself as an otter and me as a walrus. Yeah, we’re weird, but you’ve figured that out by now. But hey, don’t judge. You two pick your nose and shart in your pants!

She’s the girl who didn’t play softball growing up but tries really hard on our college co-ed team. One time she was playing second base and went to cover the bag and caught the ball bare-handed and yelled, “Why did I just do that?!” It was impressive and hilarious.

Your mom’s the girl who fake fell down a flight of stairs at a thrift shop on a rainy day because I dared her to. Man, that was funny.

She’s the girl who will hang out all day. She’s the one you watch movie marathons with before there was Netflix. We used to fall asleep to Lord of the Rings on a regular basis in college. 

She’s the one you open up to. She’s the girl you never want to leave your dorm room, and when she does you can’t wait until she comes back.

She’s the girl you ditch your friends for because you just want to be around her. She’s the girl who takes your breath away when she gets dressed up for formal. Yeah, that’s your mom. I don’t why I was lucky enough to get her, but you two wouldn’t be here had I not met her.

mom 3

And she’s the girl you can’t keep your eyes off when you go to the beach. Yeah, she’s a beach babe alright!

Now, she’s the girl who buys all your clothes. She cleans up your messes. Makes you countless chicken nuggets, cookies with extra, extra, extra, extra love just the way you like them.

Your mom kisses your boo-boos, wipes away your tears, works her tail off so you can have what you need and toys to spoil you with.

She cleans up your grossness, like the pound of pee by toilet, one of these days you two will hit the mark. I hope..

She loves you, encourages you, is your number one fan, and would do anything for you.

mom 10

Your mom’s the most amazing girl in the whole wide world, and I’m lucky enough to call her my wife.

I’ve had the privilege to know her from the beginning of your story. You love her now, but you’ll love and appreciate her even more as you learn more about her as you get older. Man, do I have some stories for you. (Sorry babe!)

mom 4

I hope you get to marry a girl half as beautiful, funny, smart, and as good as your mom!

Now, go give her a hug and kiss and tell her you love her!

As always, thanks for reading, have a great week, and be an RGP today!



Coach Elmendorf is available to speak to your team, group, or organization. Message him for details.