I Forgive Myself

By April 7, 2017 No Comments

Dear Little Me,

It just doesn’t matter. It will all be okay. It doesn’t matter that you’re not in the group that’s going with the “smart” reading group.

You are enough.

You are smart.

You are powerful.

Don’t be afraid to step up, out, and go after what you truly want.

Love ya!

Big Kyle

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It took me 35 years but it finally happened this past weekend. Something..a beast..a burden if you will, but more like the inner voice was removed.

It was my subconscious. It was little Kyle. He was programmed (conditioned) to not fully put himself out there. I always held back just a little bit. I did fear rejection. I did fear hearing the truth. But now that I know the truth, I understand that it’s okay.

It all started when I was in second or third grade. (I didn’t realize this until this past weekend). One day the teachers announced they would be taking one group to a different room. The group that left the room was the more “advanced” group. I didn’t get to go with them.

I know why the teachers split the groups, and I know the intention was to only help both groups. But that day my subconscious (little Kyle) began to create programs in my mind. My programs were that I wasn’t quite good enough. I shouldn’t put myself out there because some people won’t like it. Little Kyle would say risks are good, but only if they’re calculated and not something that will bring pain or rejection.

And it just grew. It created a story in my mind.

We all have this voice who tells us not to say, or do something out of fear. This voice wants to keep us safe. It wants to protect us from the pain we felt earlier in our lives. Once you remove this voice and truly forget the how (FTH), just watch what God and the universe do when you’re intentional with your goals and actions.

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I forgive myself, and because of that I can fully forgive others. And because of that I am free to now fully go after, and get my dream. I’ve never been more certain that the dream is going to happen. Just watch.

Before I take you on this awesome journey with me I need to share what I had to forgive myself for. So here it goes:

-for being a jerk brother to my sisters when I was younger

-for calling kids names, and making fun of them in order to mask my insecurities

-for saying and thinking hurtful things about and to the people I love the most

-laughing at others instead of helping them

-making people feel less in order to feel more accepted

-making a bad decisions in college that I just scratch my head at now

-for listening to interject in order to somehow prove what I know instead listening to understand and empathize with them

-acting out of anger and frustration

-judging others in order to feel better about myself

-losing my patience too easily towards my own family

-not understanding or trying to understand other people’s story

-for not speaking up and saying or doing the right thing when I knew what the right thing to do was

-for pushing people away instead of pulling them by how I showed up in certain situations

-and many more buried within my subconscious

Pair of red boxing gloves hanging on wall

I was trying to prove to myself I was worthy. Now I realize I was this whole time. I just let all the lies my subconscious was telling me get in the way. But little Kyle is gone. He’s in the basement eating Cheez-Its playing Sega.

I can forgive myself because I know why I did those things now. I can forgive myself because I know others are seeking the same for themselves for the same things or worse.

I accept responsibility.

I have been holding back on this platform, but not any more. Now you really know my story, why I was holding back, and I’m cool with that.

I don’t know how to describe, it’s hard to put this feeling into words. But you can ask my wife, kids, my students, I’m a different person. This past weekend’s class changed and moved me for the better. I feel God and the universe working for me.

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In order to go forward I had to go backward. I looked at the past and forgave it. Now I’m free.

I have a vision. I believe it. And I’m going to achieve it.

Going forward I’m going to speak from the heart and change the world.

Come back next week as I share my vision with you.

If you didn’t like this week’s post and it didn’t impact you, no worries. But, if any of this hit home or impacted you it’d mean the world to me if you shared this!

Come follow my journey through this blog and on my social pages.

As always, thanks for reading, have a great week, and be an RGP today!

Coach Elmendorf is available to speak to your team, group, or organization. Message him for details.