The winter sports season is in full swing. Coaches will impact more lives in one season than most people do in a lifetime. It’s always great to honor coaches for what they do, but it’s even better to honor their spouses who allow them to do what they do. The next time you see the coach’s wife, tell her thanks.

Please read and pass this on to those who will appreciate it.


Original Post Date 3/7/2014


It’s been said that behind every good man is a good woman. Truer words have never been spoken. Behind every coach is an incredible woman. The wives of coaches are the unsung heroes in sports, and this week’s post is dedicated to them.

There are many difficult things about being married to a coach but the most difficult has to be being a single parent on many nights. During the basketball season it is not uncommon for a coach to be away for three or more nights during the week. This can be tiresome, especially if you have a rambunctious toddler and are pregnant with another child; as my wife is. Coaches’ wives work full days and then have to take the kids to the game or take care of them all night. It can be an exhausting role.

Being married to coach means you are in for many lonely nights. The head coach is normally not finished with duties until an hour or so after the game. Then you add in travel time home, and all of it is extended if it’s an away game. This means the wives are left to themselves, and I am sure it can be quite lonesome. There’s only so many train, dinosaur, and minion movies you can watch before you need the company of an adult.

One thing a coach’s wife will tell you is they experience a lot of high highs and low lows. As a coach, I don’t sleep well if we lose and don’t sleep much if we win. Coaches invest a tremendous amount of time in preparing their teams for games. We are ecstatic after a win, and dejected after a loss. It’s unintentional but often times we take out our frustration on our spouses. If we win, we can be too wrapped up in our game that we forget to make time for our wives. If we lose, we can get too down and not fun to be around. Yet, for some reason they stick by us and support us.

My family is extremely fortunate to be at the high school we are at. Over my nine plus years of coaching there, we’ve heard very few complaints from parents and fans. Unfortunately for many coaches’ wives, they have to sit and listen to parents and fans criticize their husband during a game. The wife can’t yell or comment back and just has to sit there and take it. As a coach, you don’t often hear what is said in the stands. I can only imagine how hard it is for the wife to sit there and listen to the criticism. This is just one more example of the many things they do for their spouse.

The coach’s wife is thanked and appreciated by her spouse but many times is overlooked in the public’s eye. Without their love and support the coach couldn’t do what they do. The athletes wouldn’t get the same training, attention, love, and support that they do if the coach’s wife wasn’t supportive. As coaches, our wives allow us to do what we love to do. Our wives sacrifice so much so we can continue to be a part of a game we love. Behind every successful coach, there is a great, self-less, and loving wife.

I am extremely grateful that my wife supports me and allows me to do what I love to do! Thank you Angie, I love you!

Thank you to all the coaches’ wives and husbands out there who support their spouse and help them make a positive difference in the lives of their athletes!

Thanks for reading, have a great week, and be an RGP today!


Join the discussion 22 Comments

  • Mandy Rupert says:

    Your blogs are wonderful!

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thanks Mandy, I appreciate it! Thanks for reading!

  • April says:

    I appreciate the article on the coaches wives and what speacial roles they play. But I would like to add in the coaches husbands for those of us that are female coaches. I believe that role is often more difficult for them because they are normally not the one responsible for childcare and all of a sudden they do become that sole parent. This is not the typical male responsibility in a family. They not only care for the children; they often find that typical house chores, laundry, buying groceries, cooking meals, bath times, etc. now are all on them as well.
    I truly have a “GREAT” husband who has accepted that role 100% and yes spends a lot of lonely nights. Not only do I have my athletic coaching duties I also have my classroom responsibilities as I teach a core subject and on the Pre AP level. So many nights are late due to athletics and then get extended for classroom responsibilities as well. He often has to sacrifice the weekends as well for my planning time or practices that are necessary too.
    So I would just like to give a GREAT BIG thank you to those wonderful husbands that allow their wives to fulfill their dreams and work in a field dominated by men and still recieve the same support given by many wives to their coaching spouses!!

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thanks for reading and commenting April, I appreciate it! No doubt the husbands of female coaches deserve a BIG shout and thanks! I can imagine how it can be a difficult role for the husband to take on since it’s non-traditional. There was no intent to slight or leave them out. They definitely play a significant role. Thanks for sharing your story. Hope your season is going well!

  • Loucinda says:

    I have to admit your article made me cry. My sweet daughter-in-law is such a blessing to my son. During the baseball season she is often the single mom of 3. He also has his classroom duties. Thank you for honoring these spouses and reminding us all to thank those holding it all together in the background.

  • kelmendorf says:

    THANK YOU for reading and taking the time to comment, Loucinda. I greatly appreciate it! They are truly the unsung heroes.

  • Thank you for this!! So true and truly made me cry . . .

  • Abbey says:

    Well said, Coach! As a coach’s wife (football in this house), everything you said was incredibly accurate. What a beautiful way to say thanks to your wife! I especially like the part where you talked about getting caught up in the emotions of both a loss and a win. It is very hard to be a “single mom” during the season, taking care of EVERYTHING, but when I see how passionate my husband is and how much he loves this game and the kids he works with…..I get it. That’s not to say I don’t complain on occasion and curse football every season 🙂 but I do get it. ha ha….again, this was a wonderful post. I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog! I hope your season was/is a success!

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment Abbey, I appreciate it! My wife is the same way, she gets it but will occasionally curse the sport when I am gone and she’s on her own. Thank you for being such a great wife and allowing your husband to live his passion!

    Where does your husband coach?
    If you don’t mind me asking, how did you stumble upon the blog?


  • kelmendorf says:

    Thank you for reading Gretchen, I appreciate it. Glad you liked it!

  • Marharmon says:

    Additionally, unless you’re coaching at college level or above, the money in no way compensates for the amount of time and energy invested. It’s more for the love of the game and reward of teaching the kids many sport and live lessons. My husband has touched so many lives. I’m so proud of him.

  • Trisha says:

    Thank you for your words of a coach’s wife. I am a wife to an amazing husband, father, and boy’s basketball coach. A parent of one of his players sent this to me this week after a tough loss to go to the state tourney and the ending of a season. Your words are so true and I appreciate you for writing them and recognizing a coach’s wife. Just what I need this week after the season’s end. Now he will begin to prepare to coach our children this spring/summer in their baseball and softball events. Never ends at my house 🙂 Thank you!

  • Matt Neil says:


    Thank you so much for poignantly describing the incredible value Coaches’ wives bring to programs. I am a college basketball coach, who has coached his two sons which brings an entire different dynamic to the role of the Coach’s wife. My wife is my number one fan, AND critic, which is how it should be. She is supportive and understanding, and sometimes directive as in,” Get out there and find that 6’9″ project and develop him into a player”. I appreciate you taking time to share your thoughts. God Bless you and your family.

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thank you, Matt. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read and comment! It sure sounds like your wife is awesome! Where do you coach at? How was it coaching your sons? I have a 3-yr old boy now and another due in July.

    May God Bless you and your family as well.

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thanks, Trish. I appreciate you reading and taking the time to comment. That’s great you have such wonderful parents on your team. I hope you and your family have a wonderful spring and summer season! It’s a hectic schedule but I wouldn’t have it any other way:)

  • kelmendorf says:

    You are right on. The money in no way compensates, but for us coaches it’s not about the money. It’s about relationships and impacting lives. It sure sounds like your husband is a great coach! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it!

  • Abbey says:

    I saw this post because one of my friends, a wrestling coach, shared it on his facebook wall! My husband coaches at Smoky Hill High School in Colorado and, like you, is also a teacher. The hubs was checking out your blog last night reading the post about Ray Lewis and his legacy speech. He has also shown that speech to his team! I think you have 2 new blog followers! 🙂

  • Ann says:

    As the wife of a coach for the past 35 years, (and the daughter of a coach my whole life), I want to thank you for reminding me that it is important to be supportive of my husband. I have spent many a year on the sidelines dressed out in full gear and cheering my head off with kids and infants in tow. Driving to wherever needed to see his team advance to the next level. But I have tired of “the life”, always on the go for him. Now that my kids are older and have their own life, I had decided that I didn’t want to play his game anymore. But things have felt empty. At this stage, my being THERE means more to him than to me, but it IS important to him. Thank you for reminding me that a wife’s support is vital. It’s not a life for the faint of heart, but it is the life I love. God Bless and have a great season!

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thanks Abbey, I appreciate it! Hope to write more that you’ll both enjoy.

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thank you, Ann. I appreciate it.

  • Kate says:

    As the wife of a high school basketball coach – I agree whole heartedly with this post! I am fortunate to be married to a man that appreciates me and thanks me, as you do for your wife. (I have also been pregnant during the season, had a newborn during the season, and had a toddler during season … so kudos to your lovely wife!) The only thing I would also add is that basketball coaches are involved all year round – not just during the the winter. And, at least in my house, the nights he is gone per week is more like FIVE or SIX …. 😉

  • kelmendorf says:

    Thanks for reading and sharing Kate, it is much appreciated! You’re right about it being an all year round job. Thank you for the support you give to your husband and allowing him to do what he loves to do!