Why It’s Okay To Judge

By December 30, 2016 No Comments

Your son comes home one day from a friend’s house and is visibly upset. As a parent, you are obviously concerned and want to know what made your son so upset. After a little prodding, you get him to share what happened. It turns out the parents of your son’s friend are not the people you thought they were. While at their house there was drinking, smoking, cussing, and breaking glass.

What do you do? Do you let him continue to go his friend’s house? How do you respond to the parents?

Growing up we’re often told not to judge a book by it’s cover. We never really understand what it exactly means as kids and teenagers. Then we begin to have a deeper understanding of relationships as young adults, and we know exactly why the phrase is true. As adults it’s often said we shouldn’t throw stones if we live in a glass house. We shouldn’t judge others, unless we’re perfect.


What if it is okay to judge? What if it is exactly what you should be doing in 2017? Hear me out.

New Year’s resolutions don’t last because people don’t change their habits, and they keep the same inner circle.  As we begin the new year, we need to inventory and audit who’s in our circle. Nothing will change unless we change. And that means we must judge (evaluate) all aspects our lives.

Learning is a lifelong process, and so is personal growth. Once we stop judging how everyone and everything fits into our life, we stop growing.

If someone doesn’t fit your value system should they continue to be a part of your life? If someone’s persistent negativity continually affects your life, should you keep them around?

It is certainly acceptable to judge a person, and let’s be honest, we all do all the time. But it’s not acceptable to condemn. That’s where empathy comes into to play. We should show empathy but not sympathy. It’s okay to judge them but be sure to love and pray for them too.

We shouldn’t feel bad for making decisions that are in the best interest of our family, children, and personal happiness. Happiness comes from within and we are solely responsible for our own happiness. If others are bringing us down, and want us to come down to their level, it’s time to reevaluate and cut the dead weight.


“If you’re the smartest person in the room, it’s time to find a new room.”

We live in a world that has it all backward, at least what we’re fed through mainstream media. We’re too concerned with feelings. We should be more concerned with helping others and the quality of their character. We can’t let others continue to make mistakes which negatively affects their life, just to save their feelings? What’s more important? C’mon now.

It’s okay to call them out. It’s okay to call me out. I want people in my life who will call me out when I do something that is not in alignment with who I want to be, and what my goals are. 

We should want people who challenge and bring out the best in us in our life. We should want people who raise us up to their level. As the saying goes, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, it’s time to find a new room.”

We shouldn’t live to impress others, we should live to impress God. If we live with that mindset every day, we will be alright in the end. We all have chapters in our lives we don’t read aloud. We all have our own battles to fight which few know about.

However, we can’t please everyone. And that shouldn’t be our goal. We have to take care of ourselves first. Once we’re good, only then can we help others. We are the sum of who we associate with. The old saying is true, “If you lie with the dogs, you’ll get fleas.”

Group Of Friends In Caf‚ Using Digital Devices

“If you lie with the dogs, you’ll get fleas.”

Our inner circle should be filled with people who uplift, challenge, and inspire you. We need people who will hold us accountable and who will help us reach the next level. We should avoid people who do not inspire or excite us. And we absolutely should avoid people who are ungrateful. They will only bring you down.

We absolutely must judge whether or not the people in our lives are positive and if they uplift us. Anyone who doesn’t make us feel good needs to go. We don’t need the stress or worry from people who don’t matter. They’re not your clowns and it’s not your circus. So, do you and have no regrets. Find out what you want, and don’t let anyone ever tell you can’t have it.

I’d like to share with you some advice our pastor, Erik Lawson from Element Church shared with us on evaluating our life and the decisions we make.

Three Questions to help you determine if it’s profitable and it will help your life:

  1. Is this wise considering past experiences?
  2. Is this wise considering my current circumstances?
  3. Is this considering future goals?

The right decision the wrong way still equals the wrong thing.

The right decision, the right way, and the wrong time, still equals the wrong thing.

The right decision, at the right time, and in the right way will give us the right result.

The greatest gift of life is to live for something that outlasts it.

As always, thanks for reading, have a great week, and be an RGP today!


Coach Elmendorf is available to speak to your team, group, or organization. Message him for details.